It’s fine. I was born with a birth defect called cleft lip and palate, if you’re not sure what it is I’m sure you have seen it before since it’s not that rare. And well I’ve had about 13 reconstructive surgeries since I was a baby so that I could have a more normal appearance. Before last year, my lip was still deformed and it was noticeable that something was wrong with it and it caused me a lot of problems socially and with my self-esteem, so I got it fixed last year.
MY LIFE IS LITERALLY SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT. THAT’S WHY I DON’T BELIEVE IN THAT “BEING POSITIVE” BULLSHIT BECAUSE THEN I END UP FEELING LIKE A DUMBASS WHEN THINGS GO WRONG, WHICH IS ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
FOR EXAMPLE. I GET MY SURGERY AND THINK THAT BY GETTING IT PEOPLE ARE GONNA RESPECT ME MORE AND NOT STARE AT ME MORE, BUT I STILL GET TREATED LIKE SHIT BY THE PEOPLE AROUND ME. I SWITCH SCHOOLS HOPING FOR A “NEW BEGINNING” AND I GET EVEN MORE DEPRESSED BECAUSE I’M A FUCKING LONER AND HAVE NO FRIENDS.
I DECIDE THAT I SHOULD COME STAY IN FLORIDA WITH MY MOM’S FRIEND FOR TWO WEEKS THINKING THAT I’M GONNA GET TO GO OUT AND ENJOY MYSELF AND MEET NEW PEOPLE BUT I’M STUCK IN THE HOUSE ALL FUCKING DAY DOING CHORES FOR HER LAZY ASS FUCKING KIDS. AND SHE EVEN WANTS TO SHOVE HER RELIGION DOWN MY THROAT BY TAKING ME TO CHURCH. WHEN I THOUGHT ABOUT MOVING IN WITH THEM WHEN I GRADUATED SO I CAN GO TO COLLEGE HERE, NOT ANY FUCKING MORE. AND I’M PROBABLY GONNA HAVE TO STAY IN SAN DIEGO WHICH I FUCKING HATE THAT’S THE ONLY PLACE WHERE I FEEL THE MOST MISERABLE, YEAH SUICIDE DEFINITELY HAS ME CONVINCED. BUT I DON’T WANT TO HURT MY MOM AND GRANDMA BY DOING IT. HOPEFULLY I DIE IN SOME KIND OF ACCIDENT.
Nooo you don’t annoy me at all. I’m only hear for two weeks though. What depresses me is going back to san diego. In a few words, I’m always depressed and idk how to fix it. Nothing is right and I feel like there are so many reasons to die and none to live.
I know they care, but talking about it won’t fix anything, I’ve already tried. And trust me I try so hard to make things better but I always fail because of things/people I have no control over.
Thank you. But no one understands.
I’ve been feeling this way for years and I’m tired of it. I really want to end it all.